I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
