You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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