um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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