i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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