oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
