smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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