I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
