We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
