he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
