can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
