My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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