Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
