the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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