I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
