I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
