walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
