Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
