Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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