So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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