I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
