sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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