She announced her abortion via fbk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
