Who wears a wallet chain?!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
