Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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