Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
