that's an acceptable place to lick
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
