Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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