I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Randomize
