I can tuck mytits in my pants
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
