omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
