he shaved USA in his pubs
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
