its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
