in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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