I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
