You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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