you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
