I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
