Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
