Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
