Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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