What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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