I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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