you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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