jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
