What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
