That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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