walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
