Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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