soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
