Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
