he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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