are you still at the devil's house?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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